Dear Bad A** Girl that has to give up her dreams of being a big boss CEO to be…sigh…JUST a stay at home mom. You’re not alone, let’s talk about it.
By the time you get done reading this post, I hope you will understand that being just a stay at home mom is a privilege, not a punishment.
It’s hard to give up a dream career to be just a stay at home mom because if we think about where this thought of “just-a-stay-at-home-mom” comes from it’s actually something that we have been told since kindergarten. That being a stay-at-home-mom is NOT A REAL JOB.
Or even worse, “an embarrassing waste of a girl’s potential.”
Being a stay-at-home mom doesn’t always feel glamorous especially when society has a habit of adding the word “just” in front of a role that is anything but small.
But there is nothing just about raising human beings, nurturing a home, and showing up day after day in ways that often go unseen. Being a stay-at-home mom is a full-time commitment that you can learn to truly love.
Idle hands make one poor, but diligent hands bring riches – Proverbs 10:4-7
How to enjoy your role as JUST a stay at home mom.
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1. Reclaim the Narrative: just a stay at home mom
The first step in loving this life is letting go of the shame that society throws your way. Because you are not “wasting your potential”. Giving your children a consistent foundation, a safe place, and a dependable presence is influential. Plus, you are raising the next generation with the values and morals that YOU find most important.
You are not Just A Stay At Home Mom, you are The Keeper of your Home.
Proverbs 31:27 says, “She watches over the activities of her household and is never idle.”
A stay at home mom has extra time to cautiously watch over what is going on, in and around her home. We are blessed with the time to reflect on what changes need to be taken in order to make our homes a safe space for mind, body, and spirit. For ourselves, our husband, and most importantly: our children. We are the ultimate guardians of the home.
2. Finding the WORTH in being Just a Stay At Home Mom
It’s easy to feel like your efforts don’t count if there’s no paycheck, promotions, or performance reviews – but your work matters. The meals you cook, the extra hugs you give, the messes you clean, and the values you teach are laying the groundwork for your family’s future.
Find meaning in all the moments – reading the bedtime stories, making from scratch sourdough waffles, the scraped-knee kisses. These are priceless, but if you have to, put a dollar sign on these moments if that’s what you need to do to make your JOB feel more important. You will end up realizing how important it is in the long run.
Stay at Home Mom = Round the Clock Day Care
According to the site Illumine, the average cost of child care in the U.S. for one child is $10,989.
Full service Wash N’ Fold
For a full service Wash N’ Fold service, the yearly total for a family of 6 comes out to be $16,200 per year if you do a 30lb load of laundry a day. (which is the case for myself and 3 other friends I asked.)
Some might object and say laundry should be a divided task between both partners but here’s why I disagree. Stay at home moms are already in the home so doing the laundry can easily be integrated into the daily rhythm and can be done while doing other things like watching a video on “How to make Mayonnaise in under a Minute” or while teaching a homeschool lesson on Polar Bears. But as with any SAHM tasks, these are objectual and may be the thing you hate most so whatever floats your boat floats mine.
A Clean Home
According to a poll taken by you.gov.com the number 1 chore people hate most is a tie between cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes, and laundry.
Cleaning is a form of love. Every dish you wash, bed you make, or floor you sweep is an act of love for the people who live in your home. It’s not just about chores but about creating comfort, safety, and cozy peace for your family.
But it also takes a lot of freaking time! So let’s crunch the numbers! When a stay-at-home-mom cleans, she also is an organizer and a designer soooooooo…
Because independent cleaners typically charge $20-$40 per hour, professional organizers usually charge between $50 and $150 per hour, and on average you can expect to pay anywhere from $2,000 to $14,000 for an interior designer’s services.
Everything you aren’t spending
You can also take into account all the money you are not having to spend now that you’re just a stay at home mom.
Cost of gas, eating out, professional clothes, and wear and tear on the car are just some of the things that come to mind.
3. Create Rhythm, Not a Rut
Routines help children but they help you feel grounded too. Firstly, a routine doesn’t have to mean tedious or lack of interest. Add variety where you can: take walks, do crafts, rearrange furniture, cook a new dish every now and then, or start “themed” days like Waffle Wednesdays or Taco Cirlce Tuesdays. Life at home can have color and creativity. Even though it is technically the same every day, life as just a stay home mom is never actually the same every day.
4. Being Just a Stay a Home Mom Isn’t Your Identity
Being just a stay at home mom doesn’t mean your personal identity disappears. Whether it’s a hobby, a side hustle, a workout routine, journaling, or starting a blog 😉 – carve out something that fills your cup. It doesn’t make you selfish, it makes you human.
For example, I wake up one hour earlier than my kids to have a cup of coffee in complete silence and watch the sunrise or do a little rabbit hunting. My kids know that if they wake up during that hour, they are not allowed to “bother” mom because this is my time to begin the day slowly so I can prep for the chaotic, noisy, busy – but fun – day with 5 kids.
5. You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
Motherhood can be isolating, if you let it be. Seek out other stay at home moms who “get it” if you need to. Whether it’s playdates, mom groups, or online communities, connection can be crucial for some stay at home moms. Sharing the journey with others can lighten the load and remind you that you’re not alone.
Additionally, if your husband doesn’t recognize or appreciate your effort, you can start to feel invisible. You can be the most nurturing, resourceful, creative mom in the world – but if you’re doing it under the weight of a dismissive or disrespectful husband, the joy will fade. Every stay at home mom deserves to feel valued, heard, and backed by the person she’s building a life with. If that’s not happening then the problem isn’t you, but the foundation you stand on.
6. Give Yourself Credit for being Just a Stay A Home Mom
No one claps when you fold the laundry or manage a toddlerdactyl tantrum in public, but YOU should. Celebrate your wins- no matter how small. You are working all day, every single day. The work you’re doing is invisible to most, but it’s shaping your family’s life – one child at a time.
You’re not Just A Stay At Home mom
You are not just a stay at home mom. You are a teacher, a chef, nurse, counselor, chauffeur, and a protector. Mothers are the heartbeat of the home, the keepers, the Guardians of the home. And when you choose to embrace this season, with all its mess and magic, you will find more joy than you ever thought possible.
And realize that being just a stay at home mom is not a punishment, but a privilege.
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